i fucked up

Estelle. 17. I like who I like, what you identify as or identify with doesn't bother me.

Suffering from: depression, anorexia/EDNOS, social anxiety, self harm etc.

CW: 135 GW: 95 UGW: 85

I really don’t know what to do right now. I’m so confused and feeling guilty and I just…..I don’t know.
I’m a terrible person. I wish I could just not feel anything. No one would get hurt then.

Found out that my 6th form prom was last Thursday. I’m a little put out by the fact that I missed it because my year 11 prom was appalling. Its only saving grace was the fact I got to spend the night with my friends. Apart from that it was one of the worst nights of my life. So to miss the opportunity to replace that memory with a new prom is upsetting. Yeah it was expensive, £35 a ticket and extra for drinks and a new dress, but I wish I could have gone. I may have played it off that I wasn’t bothered by it at all. When in all actuality, I’m extremely bothered by it. And to top it all off? No one who claimed to be my friend at 6th form cared enough to message me to ask if I was going or if I wanted to meet up or anything afterwards. Not one of the bastards.

//cries because the cupcakes I tried to make failed terribly. I have to have about 30 made and decorated by tomorrow night for my second theatre groups party.
I need a fail safe cupcake recipe that won’t fucking collapse everywhere.

The cupcakes I decorated during my course yesterday #random #cakes #cakedecorating #cupcakes #cute

The cupcakes I decorated during my course yesterday #random #cakes #cakedecorating #cupcakes #cute

I think I’ve been missed #selfie #gpoy #myface #nomakeup #ginger #orangehair #cat #cats #pet #pets #missed #mybabyboy #cutie

I think I’ve been missed #selfie #gpoy #myface #nomakeup #ginger #orangehair #cat #cats #pet #pets #missed #mybabyboy #cutie

Time to cool down and relax #random #bulmers #bulmerscider #drinking #relax

Time to cool down and relax #random #bulmers #bulmerscider #drinking #relax

We forgot forks so we’ve resorted to eating pot noodles with teaspoons #random #potnoodle #bombaybadboy #idiots

We forgot forks so we’ve resorted to eating pot noodles with teaspoons #random #potnoodle #bombaybadboy #idiots

redscout102 asked: HI, do you get many ginger joke in the UK?

Yeah we do. Like the whole ‘gingers have no souls’ and shit like that. It hasn’t happened to me personally but only because I dyed my hair yesterday so I haven’t had chance to have ginger jokes aimed towards me.

Second hotel room! The first had no window and was ridiculously small. This is awesome! #selfie #gpoy #myface #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #ginger #orangehair

Second hotel room! The first had no window and was ridiculously small. This is awesome! #selfie #gpoy #myface #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #ginger #orangehair

Second hotel room! The first had no window and was ridiculously small. This is awesome! #selfie #gpoy #myface #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #ginger #orangehair

Second hotel room! The first had no window and was ridiculously small. This is awesome! #selfie #gpoy #myface #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #ginger #orangehair

At the hotel in Manchester! Time to do last minute prep for tomorrow. Also, new hair :3 #selfie #gpoy #myface #newhair #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #orangehair #ginger #herecomethegingerjokes

At the hotel in Manchester! Time to do last minute prep for tomorrow. Also, new hair :3 #selfie #gpoy #myface #newhair #manchestercomiccon #comiccon #cosplay #orangehair #ginger #herecomethegingerjokes

Fuck fuck fuck! I’ve run out of hair dye, which takes 30mins to set so my moms had to go get some more meaning I won’t be able to get to rehearsals on time at 7:00. I’m gonna be so fucking late and I’m gonna be in trouble :’(

Finalised my eye makeup for Ivy #selfie #gpoy #myface #makeup #poisonivy #poisonivycosplay #cosplay #poisonivymakeup #crazymakeup

Finalised my eye makeup for Ivy #selfie #gpoy #myface #makeup #poisonivy #poisonivycosplay #cosplay #poisonivymakeup #crazymakeup

I have never felt so relaxed. I just had an energy healing session done by a friend of my moms to help calm my anxiety, because we had a discussion about how bad it gets and what triggers it. It was the strangest thing but I feel so light now, like all the weight has gone from my shoulders.
She’s also gave me the option of choosing some crystals from her collection to help balance my energy/chakra and while I was choosing them, when my mom and her were near my I couldn’t decide on one but when they moved away I could physically feel my hand drifting towards certain crystals which I find incredible.
I’m going to sleep well tonight.

Sooo….I now have a job. #selfie #gpoy #myface #yay #happy #happystell

Sooo….I now have a job. #selfie #gpoy #myface #yay #happy #happystell